She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
