It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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