i jhust puked up my retainher.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
