I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
