the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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