...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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