Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Semen is not good for contacts.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
