if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
