what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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