so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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