the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
