Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
