I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
