3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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