its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
