The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
