I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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