New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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