drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
3pm strippers are depressing
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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