i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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