Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
