Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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