you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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