What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
