I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
last night I used snow as a chaser
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
