would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
