just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
