can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
