im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
