I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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