whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
