Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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