I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
