we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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