She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
