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NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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