is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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