Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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