my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
