I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize