i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
