On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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