And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
