I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
