I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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