My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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