just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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