Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
