He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
sex in a hospital.. check
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
