You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
