I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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