Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
