Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ketchup is God's man juice
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
