how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
