Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
