we have pet lesbian snakes
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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