Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
