I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
