I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
