my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Found the puke drawer
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
