Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
