I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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