the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize