just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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