I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
