Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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