I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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