My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Drunk is not a location!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
