Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
