sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
